Internet Rant
Man, what is up with the internet these days? I mean, it’s supposed to be the information superhighway, but it seems like the only information on it is everyone’s username and password. Everything needs a fucking username and password now… whats the deal? The only things you don’t need a username or password for online are pornography and advertisements. And all the ads are for illegal viagra and 100% natural herbal penis enlargers or porn!
I’m serious here. You can’t do anything anymore without logging in. Passport would have been a nice concept if Microsoft weren’t an evil parasite bent on destroying all that is nice in the world. Try going to some website like little-Billy-ten-year-old’s website on his pet dog Spunky and I bet you’ll have to create a user name and password to log in to the most retarded site on the net. Sure, your username can be up to 124 characters long and include any alphanumeral character as well as Asian character sets, but you can’t make a name with a fucking hyphen in it! And of course little Billy will require you to make a “secret question” in case you lose your password… not that these aren’t nice if you’re the type of fucking moron who forgets the password that you have to type in every single day, but to require it is fascist. Just think: if anyone on Earth knows your mother’s maiden name or the name of your favorite pet, they could be bidding on your eBay account, stealing your credit card numbers so conveniently stored at every site where you shop, and going into your email and finding out how many daily porno newsletters you’re subscribed to.
I hope the Internet 2 comes out soon. It could be just like the Internet 1 was back in the mid-90’s, but accessible by broadband instead of just 14.4k modems. Maybe there will be a couple of good months where it will be pure and useable. Then AOL and MSN will open their floodgates and let all of their users in. Then the rivers will turn into blood, and fire will rain down from the sky. And the seven-headed dragon will lead his army through our peaceful fields of pirated-software-flowers and BBS-trees and topple our golden empire and place Bonzi-Buddy on the throne of the Earth.
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