MatthewMeyer.net

Isn’t it amazing how on the internet we feel comfortable telling people the horror stories of our lives that we wouldn’t ever want anyone we’d ever actually see to know? Case and point:

Phoenix> Dude, wanna hear a fucked up story?
Phoenix> So, Im at the usual weekend frat parties and i’ve been talking to this girl for the majority of the night.
Phoenix> Anyway I ended up going back with her to her dorm. About another 8shots later, we end up fooling around on her bed.
Phoenix> So about 10min’s into her giving me head, I had to drop the fattest shit in my life.
Phoenix> All my meals were followed by 3tsp of metamucil so I could get lots of fiber in me to combat the carbs a litte. Anyway im holdin my #2 in and finally it goes away. We both end up passing out on her bed, she’s butt naked and im in my boxers.
Phoenix> I wake up to piss and I find myself covered in shit. It was all over the bed,sheets,etc…. Im freakin out so I did the most horrible thing in the world.
Phoenix> She’s sleeping with her back towards me, so I take my boxers off, scoop up some shit and gently smear it on the inside of her butt, her lower back, and a little on the back of her hammies.
Phoenix> I get dressed and leave… This poor girl is gonna think she did it. I didnt know what else to do though. I have no clue what im gonna do when I end up running into her.

Bash.org has more…

No, those aren’t my words — they’re the words of http://www.fuckthesouth.com, a fun read that will help you to vent some frustration. And if you’re a Southerner, maybe learn some humility. :-p I’m sure it won’t, but it’s one of those pages that’s pretty funny until you think about it and realize that it’s all true… :-S The contained links are even more interesting.

Finally! My new computer is here! It’s so beautiful I could make love to it right now! It’s… it’s…. AGH! I love it! Fast, sleek, sexy, powerful. Like a wild puma in the jungle! Is there a more beautiful sound than the gentle breathing of a processor fan? Is there a more beautiful color than the gentle blue that my computer monitor bathes me in? Is there anything more fantastic than the aroma of new electronics? No. Nothing can compare!

I’m a geek…

So I drove to UPS this morning to go pick up my package. When I got there, they couldn’t find it. It just wasn’t there! Apparantly “hold for pick-up” means “put it on a truck and drive it around all day.” The workers there told me it would probably be delivered today. So, I waited… and waited… and nothing. No delivery. Not note on the door saying that I missed them. They just didn’t come at all!

This only further underlines that I will never ever use UPS again.

The other day I was awoken to the annoying sound of a knock at my front door. I really wasn’t in the mood to get dressed, so I just answered it in my underwear, expecting Alex or someone to be there. I was a bit surprised to see 2 old ladies, who were a bit suprised to see me hardly dressed at all.
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Man… I’m so pissed off at UPS right now.

I waited at home all day long yesterday because I had to sign for a shipment. I didn’t get anything done because I was waiting for them. And they never came… or rather, they DID come, but they came at some ungodly hour of the night after I had given up (after 9 pm) and needed to get out of the house. Where the hell but Florida does UPS come after 9 pm?! They left that annoying little sticky on my door that says when they’ll come back, only they didn’t even say… so I have no idea.

I called them today, since this is just ridiculous, and they told me to use their website. So I went to the website and found it totally unusable. Links they said were there on the phone were not, and it was completely impossible to find anything other than the fact that my packages were not delivered yesterday.

So I called them back and sat through 30 minutes of recordings just to talk to a person… finally I got someone, and she pretty much blamed the incident on me because I wasn’t home yesterday. She said everything in that oh-so-friendly condescending tone. ARGH! I just wanted to scream at her and tell her that I waited all day long for that damn truck because they told me I had to be home to sign it, and if they delivered the package at any time during the day (since they told me it went out for delivery at 8:05 am) instead of late in the night then they’d find me there, happy to sign it! But no, I wanted to be polite, cause there’s no sense in yelling… Anyway, after she asked me if I can stay home again all day Monday, to which I replied no, I asked if I can pick them up. Well that’s OK too, as long as you do it whenever it’s not convenient for you. You see, UPS is closed on Saturdays and Sundays… so I have to wait until Monday ANYWAY to get get this shipment that I really need NOW to make any use of it that will affect my grades.

So damn you, UPS, Unsatisfactory Parcel Service. Here’s one customer you will never recieve business from again. I’ll use Fed Ex or the USPS, since I saw both those trucks drive past my house TWICE yesterday, both before 4 pm.

My latest assignment in Digital Illustration was to create a book cover. I originally intended to redo the cover for The Count of Monte Cristo, since the book I have just uses a show from the movie (bleagh, what a cop-out). But last weekend I read Monkey: A Journey To The West, an English version of a very popular Chinese myth. The book was so addictive that I decided I had to illustrate it. It also gave me another chance to use the monkey I already created for my business card (giving the card a little more significance, as well). So it was all-in-all a very good opportunity. I’m pretty happy with the results, we’ll see how it fares tomorrow in class.