Archive for April 19th, 2005:
Not Quite Finished Yet
So today I had my thesis presentation. I don’t know what the hell was wrong with my, but I forgot to dress up for the presentation. Worse, I forgot to spit my gum out during my presentation. Oy! How stupid can I be? Well, that’s that and despite those blunders I think I did a good job. My classmates didn’t seem to mind my foolishness (I can’t believe how rude it was of me though… I felt awful afterwards). Thank goodness for that.
I thought the stress would melt away after my presentation, but if anything it’s intensified tenfold! My next step is to trim my paintings to fit my frames (and I already messed up on one of them). After that I need to paint the edges and frame them, write an artist statement, shoot some slides of the pieces, and write up a category page for the school’s records. I also have about 6 book reviews to write, and a term paper on China/Taiwan relations due pretty soon. Aside from my schoolwork, I have to burn some DVD’s for a friend, create a few different portfolios for different types of clients, visit some of the campus recruiters (now that I supposedly have the time), and begin working on a professional website… all of this before I graduate and start the job hunt! It’s quite a feat to accomplish. So much for some R&R before “the real world” starts.
Thinking about getting a job stresses me out so much. Not so much fear of getting rejected at this point; for now it’s the fear that I am absolutely 100% unprepared to go job hunting. My portfolio needs serious fixing up, my website has no online portfolio, I have no self-promotional materials yet, no business card, and my body of work is not diverse enough for the different types of jobs I want to apply to. Once I solve all of those problems, then the fear of rejection can begin it’s toll… Oh how I wish that was the only thing plaguing me. I’ve also got a bad case of cynicism towards starting out with any new venture (of which there are plenty) because I was ripped off by three companies that I’ve done work for. And both of those were found through my school’s career services, so it’s not like they didn’t appear to be reliable sources. It really sucks to do a bunch of work only to have your employer run away without contacting you, without paying you, and very likely illegally using your work somewhere else. Grrr…
I also want to write letters to my host family and friends from Japan, and some serious Thank You letters to my relatives who helped pay for my education.
You can see that I tend to ramble more when I’m under stress.
I just want to get that stuff done so I’m in a good place when I get home for the summer. Then I can spend the summer looking for a job, working like crazy on broadening my portfolio, and playing D&D (for which I have been dying for a fix).