I’ve been busy, lazy, and distracted all month, so I haven’t written any of the posts I’ve meant to write… which I know means that so many of you have been left wondering, helpless and confused, thirsty for more knowledge of my life! Sorry to wait so long between posts… I have to do a better job at this.

So this week passed a cool milestone: my first year anniversary here in Japan. I left the US on July 13th and arrived here on July 14th. To celebrate, Hitomi and I have been going out to different restaurants and having drinking parties at my house every weekend for the past 2 months. Okay, so that’s really unrelated to my “anniversary” in Japan. But we did go to USJ (Universal Studios Japan for the uneducated) last Monday, since she was able to get a day off. The heat and the cost make it so much more worth it to go on a Monday than on a weekend. (Unlike in the US, these poor Japanese kids have to go to school all summer long, so you don’t have to worry about weekday crowds anywhere.)

The night before then, we met up with Yumi (who recently quit Aeon) and her friend Bob, visiting from Boston, and went to Zeniya, an awesome (possibly chain) restaurant in Fukui where we saw the “Spinning Salad” and chocolate fondue fountain, and then to karaoke. It had been a few weeks since I last saw Yumi so it was nice to see her again. Bob enjoyed practicing his Japanese, and Hitomi enjoyed asking him questions about England — then the next day I told her that Boston is in the US, not England, and she felt really embarrassed.

Hitomi also left the tickets at my apartment in Takefu, so we had to wake up early the next morning to return to my place, then head out on a different train to get to USJ in Osaka. She also left her apartment key at my place, so we had to call a “locksmith” (who actually turned out to be a lady with a screwdriver who proceeded to smash and rip the door lock to pieces and told us they’ll have to send someone during the week to build a new door lock for her) to let us in. It was pretty funny, and barely an inconvenience, but we definitely had a lot of laughs at Hitomi’s expense. Poor girl.

USJ was fun. A little strange, though. It’s actually a complete copy of the US version of Universal Studios, down to the English. In fact, there was hardly any indication that this was Japan… there were tons of foreigners there, and all the signs were written in English. All the food was exactly the same as in the US, down to the taste, the size, and the menu. It was amazing! We ate at Bubba Gump Shrimp, and it was the first “authentic” tasting American food I’ve had here. There was, however, one piece of bad Engrish that quickly jolted me back to the reality that I was in Japan:

Are You Hungry? Are you going to restaurant? I'd love to!

I should also mention that the prices here are even higher than in the US… One of the hamburgers was selling for roughly $30. Egads! A few of the other oddities: the interior of Spider Man: The Ride was entirely unpainted! There was a detailed new room, with phones, half-eaten sandwiches, donuts, coffee machines, computers — you name it — but it was all the same shade of sickly plastic-green… It was surreal. Even the walls were the same color green. Additionally, it was the first time I had ever gone on ET: The Ride, which I have to say was one of the most horrifying experiences of my life! Not only do I dislike ET To begin with, hearing his Japanese voice was even creepier. That, in addition to the fact that during the ride the story of ET was changed to meet some bizarro environmentalist fantasy (we have to take ET home to “The Green Planet” in order for him to heal it’s dying plants with his magical touch), ET’s home planet was absolutely terrifying. Like is Dr. Seuss was hired to redo It’s A Small World while dropping acid…

Another funny thing — poor Hitomi kept getting mistaken for a foreigner while I was always spoken to in Japanese. Before ET, they ask for your name so that ET can say it at the end of the ride. When they saw Hitomi, the ride attendant asked her for her name, and she paused to think of she should give her first or her last name… but it took too long and they asked her again: “Ah… Watt… Eez… Youa… Name?” And to me, they asked in Japanese.

A similar thing happened at Jurassic Park: The Ride. The group in front of us was made up of 5 Chinese elementary school students, and the ride attendants asked them, “How many in your group?” But when they asked me, they asked, “何名様ですか？” Strange…

I was also highly entertained by the ride safety videos they show in the lines before each ride. For the most part, they were the same as the US versions, but dubbed over in Japanese. Towards the end, though, they would insert their own characters — usually foreigners speaking in a very heavily accented Japanese that sounded quite odd. And in the sections where the say not to smoke or eat on the rides, they always show a boat full of happy Japanese visitors, and one humongously fat American guy sits down in front of them all, pulls a hamburger out of his back pocket, and starts eating it as he chuckles to himself about how cool is for eating a hamburger on a ride. Then the Japanese guests give him the stink eye and he puts his burger away. Same goes for smoking. The American guy sits next to a little kid and, chuckling, pulls out his cigarette pack and lights up, all while the kid looks at him forelorn. You’d think by the kid’s expression and the way the guy is laughing that he stole the cigarettes from the kid…

All in all — even including ET — USJ was a great day. Next time, I want to go to a Japanese theme park that is more Japanese though.

Watch out for hungry velociraptors...